Month: April 2017

Jesus, help me to look to you first in all things. Humanity is a fickle mistress, and I’ve been burned all the way dead so many times in that fire. It is my natural tendency to rely on people for the love that you made me to need, but I wasn’t made to receive it from them…

Or wait. Was I?

You said, “It is not good that man should be alone.”

What does that mean? What does that mean for me right now?

Jesus, I want you to be first and foremost in my life. This has not been my habit. I have relied on the acceptance of others for the support of my mental wellbeing, and I have done it in a way that is very unhealthy. It has been all I’ve ever known to do, and you want to heal this. You want my relationships with others to be healthy, and not like a drug. I have used them like drugs. I have used people like drugs.

I open myself to you today, Lord. I ask you to guide me in this healing, and to protect my heart during the process. You know me. You know my needs, and you care about them. I give myself to to again all over today, and I choose to trust you with everything.

Once more you have rescued me from myself. Nothing is too much for you. No one snatches me out of your hand. I see that again now, like it’s for the first time, all over again.

And I’m falling in love with you again.

You are the very incarnation of the intelligent love behind the universe. You are the force which binds this place together. Without you, there would be chaos — literal, absolute chaos. What could blind a rational human mind from seeing this?

That is one of the questions.

My life has been full of said blinding, and of questions upon questions, but you have somehow always been there, too. I find myself suddenly and incredibly more aware of you now, because of your faithfulness. Because of your unending love.

Father, I can hear the enemy’s voice. It is so loud. It speaks of how I’ve been wronged, and how I should be working to vindicate myself. Jesus, you did none of this when you were here, working to initiate the ultimate correction of this broken world. People abused you, and you endured it. You left it all in the Father’s hands.

Help me to ignore that voice, Lord. Help me to focus on what I am supposed to be doing. Help me to remember who and what we are together. Help me to choose only Your will, and not my own, and help me to discern correctly in all of this.

Jesus, I start this day feeling lost and alone, confident only in my own insufficiency and insignificance. Even so, I realize that these convictions are a result of my hearing the voice of the enemy. That is not your voice, and I will not follow it. You speak blessing over me. You sing with joy over me. You encourage me with prophecies of better days to come. Help me to hear you, Lord, and let the enemy of my soul and all his deceptions fade away, until I don’t even feel that stuff anymore. I know I can’t do this on my own. I repent for having tried.