Month: September 2016

I am driven further and further into this rest by the wind and the waves. The storms of this life, meant to destroy me, only serve to accelerate my pursuit of the One who saves from destruction. This is what I choose. I resist the accuser. I defy him through the strength of the One who lives in me (who is greater, and in whose authority I exist.)

The sand of personal delusion, the unstable sediment upon which my house was formerly built, has been washed away now by the force of these storms. All that remains is the Rock, the solid foundation and basis of it all, and upon this I have now begun to rebuild anew. I am thankful for the opportunity to do so! Those storms could have carried me off to death, but they were not allowed to do so. My life was not suffered to be affected. Only everything else. So the pain has been immense, but I am alive.

I ran from God. I was ashamed of Him. I denied Him many times. But still he remained. He never left me. He never forsook me. He stayed with me.

How many times, back when things were so rough, back when I was out there blowing around in the wind…how many times did I hear Him calling to me to return? I hardened my heart a little more every time. I could have died out there.

God, why have You continued to bring me into this place of blessing, despite the gigantic amount of stubborn dumbness and arrogance I’ve demonstrated time and again? You never let me go. He never let go.

Bring me more and more into your plan. Mold my life. Change everything. Change it all. I only ask that You keep me in Your perfect peace. Give me the grace to keep my mind stayed on Thee. Also, teach me how to access this grace. Train me in its use, and do so in ways which comfort and help me. Do not suffer me to be moved. Only then will I be able to really live this life You’re calling me to.

I don’t need to worry about the things I can’t control.

I need to confine my attention to the here and now, and I need to not let my heart be troubled or afraid.

Why is focusing on Jesus so difficult? Why do the cares and concerns of this world so easily encroach upon my peace of mind?

I hear God calling to me, “Come away with me. Come and rest in my presence.”

All of the little things that distract and consume…all of these things must be managed properly. First things must come first.

Today as I start my day I thank you, God, for never leaving me or forsaking me, despite my best efforts to return to the false safety of what I once believed would bring me comfort. You tend to my every need. You breathe pure peace into my soul. I know, in the deepest possible sense, that only in You is there comfort which is true and lasting.

Thank You for this.

Keep my mind stayed on you today. Keep me in that perfect peace. I cannot do this, God; my most valiant efforts will result in ruin and despair unless you fuel them with your perfect Self, the very substance which permeates the everything of this world. It is even in You that we live and move and have our being. Help me to see this and know this as clearly as I may during the time of this present darkness.

Focusing on the emotional realm, and on my circumstances, has led me into a corner again. It’s locked me in a room. It’s buried me alive.

Praise the Lord, oh my soul! When I cannot see a way out anymore, when the darkness seems like it’s too much for me…I will return to the place of praising You, God, because…like…at the very core of everything that is…is the pure and simple fact of how awesome You are.

Darkness and evil in the world are the progressive results of sentient moral agency choosing differently from what you had planned. We’ve taken the universe and gone all the way against the manufacturer’s instructions, and in this particular case the damage is so great that there is so way for us to un-wreck it. That is why You did what You did in sending Jesus to do what He did, and while I can’t even begin to understand the full scope of this whole situation on an intellectual level, my spirit understands enough about it to know that You have un-wrecked that which concerneth me, and that you will continue to perfect it as time goes on, and as I focus on You.

Do not forsake the works of Your hands!

I make this plea out of my unperfected self, out of the parts of me which still operate in fear, having not been made perfect through saturation in Your love.

When I forget how good You are, I cry out in pain…and I know that you want me to be free of this pain. Show me the way, and give me the strength to follow through. Give me the wisdom to follow You perfectly. Give me the peace that you promised would overtake me as I refuse to be anxious and to worry, and choose to instead bring my troubles to You.

I cast them on You because you command me to do so, and I choose to believe that You care for me in the deepest possible sense.

I worship You. I lay aside all of the other things that I normally worship, whether knowingly or out of pure instinct…

I lay aside my obsession with being loved and accepted by other people…

I lay aside my infatuation with material things…

I lay down the restless pieces of myself that gravitate toward entertainment in all of its forms…

I renounce all impure sexual motivations and ideas, and I fully repent for having played God with something so sacred, something which I’ve never even fully understood properly…

You love that I have these desires, and You understand that they are yet to be fully formed in my soul. You understand where I am at in the journey, and You have compassion on me. You only desire my health and my benefit, and none of your thoughts toward me are for evil.

You lead me on the path that You have chosen in Your awesome wisdom, and You fill me with peace and contentment as I choose to trust, even though it feels super scary sometimes.

You are the best, God. Help me to always remember that You are the best.