Eventually, I came to a realization that I could not change who I am without changing what I do. Shortly thereafter, I came to an additional realization, that being the pure and simple fact that I am also and equally unable to change who I am by changing what I do, and it was then that I began to begin to actually come to a slight amount of recognizing what it means to need Jesus.
We hear about ‘needing Jesus’ all the time, but it’s really not the kind of thing that a person can wake up to without something weird happening to them, something beyond the normal boundaries of what constitutes life as a regular human these days. Something supernatural. Sure, the mind can become convinced of things, based on the people we talk to and the environments we’re immersed in from day to day, but I’m telling you…you could be surrounded by nothing but scripture-quoting Bible thumpers for thirty years of life, and be absolutely convinced of the theoretical need for a person to give intellectual assent to a series of theological statements, in order to experience salvation of the soul, and STILL have absolutely no idea what it means to realize that you need Jesus.
You could be brainwashed and socialized into fundamentalist culture to the extent that you fervently and devoutly believe with every fiber of your being that you need to know that you need Jesus, and still not be able to actually even begin to feel what it means to really need Jesus, and that, I think, might be one of the worst kinds of hell.
The best thing about realizing that you need Jesus, though, is the fact that Jesus will actually give His entire self to you, the moment you ask Him for it. He really is that cool. He absolutely will not ever, in this present age of grace, reject anyone who comes to Him. It is not a thing that He does. And, contrary to a belief which is unfortunately popular, there are absolutely no per-requisites for an applicant. He will take us in exactly the condition we are presently in. That condition does not affect His commitment to us, no matter how bad it might look to those convinced of certain religious ideals.
This is the part where, normally, there is an of-necessity disclaimer that is issued, regarding the necessity of subsequent obedience, and no actual Christian will deny the reality of the deep call that God begins to place on the heart of a believer, to enter ever further into fellowship with Him, and that answering this call will inevitably result in a life greatly changed, and in spiritual fruit like nobody’s business, but there are an awful lot of carts getting put before an awful lot of horses in this department, for one thing — and, for another thing…well, there are a lot of things, and the sheer number and weight of them has discouraged many a soul from being able to believe that God is actually good, or that He actually loves them, with all their nicks, and bruises, and burns, and scars, or that He paid a price they could never pay, for a thing which they could never earn, and that He offers it to them as a free gift.
But that is the state of things.
And the truth is that God is very, very good. And knowing that I needed Him, once I was able to combine that knowledge with an authentic belief in His goodness, was the best thing that ever happened to me.
Also, cats. Cats are important. This is the Internet, after all.