Jesus, I find myself terrified at the thought that another human being could have the ability to make me feel alive like never before. This terror exists because I have known what it is to have found that kind of happiness in this world, and then to experience the pain of losing it. There is no other pain quite like this kind of living death. As a consequence, I am wanting only to find that kind of love in you, the only true source of lasting fulfillment. I am wanting to only find it there, but then here comes my actual human heart, deciding things on its own…
But, Jesus, you said “It is not good that man should be alone.” And you said this about a man who had full access to enjoy fellowship and communion with you, yourself, at all times, at a time before this access was broken through the Fall. Does this not clearly indicate that there is, in fact, a type of loneliness that is a part of even the fully regenerated human condition? And doesn’t this story tell us that it is your heart’s desire to see this need met by providing a perfectly suited companion to each of us?
But, Lord, I am so scared. I ask you to comfort me. I ask you to guide me, and to give me the strength and the wisdom to submit to your guidance in all things. All things, Lord. Let me not succumb to the enemy’s whispering promises of satisfaction through compromise. Let me be only a bastion of humble submission and peace. Let me adhere only to you as my absolute source of peace and security. I ask you to heal the parts of my soul that have been wounded in this specific way. The wounds, they cause me to have a particular type of desperation for human relationship…a type of desperation that can only be legitimately directed towards your love, Jesus. Everything else must come second. You must be the first and the last, by virtue of the pure and simple fact that you are the first and the last. So, God, please allow me the grace this day to line up with what is, that I may be properly able to receive your blessing in all its forms, no matter what you have decided that will look like.
