I enter boldly into your throne room, as the warrior poet you intended when you dreamed me up, and I bring my supplication before you. I know who you are, and you are good. I remember back through all the pain and the fire of what has happened, and I look immediately to the now, underneath all the obstructions, beyond every distraction, to what is clear and present, to what is real, and it is you, the very source of all that is love, the very center of all that is good.
I ask that you would silence the voice of every former tyrant master who would try to convince me of the hopelessness of remaining true. I ask that you would do your part in this, and that you would open my eyes fully, beyond every doubt, to see what it is that constitutes my own part. Remove every source of confusion. Make my way plain.
Jesus, unless you help me in this, I have entered into a place of absolute despair. Even so, even in this, I know who you are, and I know you are good. I know you have a plan for my future, and that it is a good plan, and that it involves hope, and peace, and the fullness of every good thing. I know it fleetingly, though. I know it only in part. I know it in a way that becomes altogether insufficient when the storm hits.
I ask you to increase my understanding. Increase my faith.
“Lord, I believe! Help my unbelief!”
You are fashioning a tale of victory through all this. I want my desires to be the same as yours. I am so done with this flesh, with these petty concerns of the soul. Let my deepest convictions be only those that exist in spirit and in truth. Let everything else fall away. Let me come to you freely and fully, without doubt, without fear, and without the voice of the accuser echoing ever in my thoughts.
Cleanse every part of me. Teach me to be clean. Instruct me.
“Then shall I not be ashamed, when I have respect unto all thy commandments!”
I don’t want to struggle against anything that contradicts you. I want those things to simply die. Even so, not my will but yours be done. I ask that you keep me through the storm. Though it rage about me, let me only have your peace in my mind. Let my mind be fixed on you. It is only through you that I am able to do this, “for it is you that work in me, both to will and to do your good pleasure!”
