Jesus, right here and now, at the point of absolute pain, I come to you. I ask You for help. I’m still not totally sure exactly how this whole thing is supposed to work, but right now I do know one thing: I am in more trouble than I’ve ever been in my entire life. My soul is absolutely crushed. I am thinking about suicide, and not in that dreamy, flirtatious way; I’m actually thinking about how this needs to end, and my mind is lashing out all over the place, trying to wrap itself around just what exactly this is, and what it would look like for this to not stop… and the struggle is just too great. I can’t do it. I need some kind of miracle. It’s just the way it is.
Yet here I am, in the midst of it all, and the only thing to actually do is to drink deep of the fountain, to plunge all the way into the river. Nowhere else to go now. Everything else is on fire. Only you have the words of life. Only here do I find the actual water of life.
Even here and now, in the midst of all this, all things are working together for good. All this thing is doing is pushing me farther and farther into a place where I hate sin and thirst for God more than ever before.
